My Wife and I are Separated and She is Dating – 7 Things to Know about Dating after Separation

This article is a combination of tracked-down advice from the best experts on the things you need to know before dating while separated.

After separation, developing interest in a relationship is always the moment when huge changes meet hope and excitement for the future.

We’ve been able to track down the best expert advice on the topic to help separated singles find a balance between what was and what will be (future).

At the end of the article, you will be left with some of the basics and your handy guide to dating while separated.

Having a clear, legal mandate to get back in the dating pool often makes it easier to date after divorce.

However, dating after separation is pitchy as it tends to come to a place where you feel ready for anything, even a new phase of love, with a little forethought (and a lot of talking).

We will be navigating some things you should consider before dabbling into a relationship.

You should, however, pay attention to these seven things.


7 Things to Know about Dating after Separation

Dating after separation

1. Dating after separation? Check your state’s laws

You want to be careful about taking things further, while you are in the process of going through a divorce.

Well, you should be left with the question, is it legal to be dating while separated?

While going on simple dinner dates it’s usually fine. The answer is Yes.

However, you are privileged only if you reside in a state where divorce on fault grounds is allowed. An exception these under listed states:

  • California
  • Colorado
  • District of Columbia
  • Florida
  • Hawaii
  • Indiana
  • Iowa
  • Kansas
  • Kentucky
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota
  • Missouri
  • Montana
  • Nebraska
  • Nevada
  • Oregon
  • Washington
  • Wisconsin

People do not have the option of asserting the other person is at fault for the divorce in these states.

Cases, whereby you are being intimate with a new partner, could – potentially – often bring accusations of adultery.

Corresponding to this, your divorce settlement may suffer the consequence.

it’s always advisable to consult a law practitioner – it pays to check the ramifications with your lawyer first. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t date during a separation.

2. Have That Tricky Conversation with Your Ex-spouse

About your intention to date during your separation, your lawyer isn’t the only one you’ll want to talk to.

In this case, you should consider checking in with your (soon to be) ex-spouse as well.

This goes a long way if you want to keep your divorce amicable.

Eileen Coen, J.D., a notable Divorce mediator asserts that discussion on sensitive subjects like dating during separation is critical” for divorcing couples.

She also added that agreeing on dating is as crucial as covering basic topics like custody arrangements and finances.

However, it is important to know that keeping each other in the loop does not only demonstrate your respect for each other.

It also allows you to see other people without putting your parenting agreements at risk and financial.

3. Spend Some Time Alone First

You should consider spending some time alone first before dabbling into a relationship while separated.

Having a legal and spousal go-ahead to date while separated is not enough to channel your decision, as it is not something you want to rush into.

Dating right after a separation is only going to lead to more confusion and hurt, even if you can’t wait to find new love.

You just don’t have the emotional availability to start something new, until you realize the terms with who you are as a previously married person (single).

Corresponding to our thought of spending time alone, Jackie Pilossoph who is a creator of the Divorced Girl Smiling blog emphasizes that there are all sorts of distractions you can try.

He stated that rather than trying to get attraction from someone new, the main thing is to work on being strong and happy by yourself.

Jackie Pilossoph also added “Take up a new hobby, invite friends around, throw yourself into your career”

4. Only date someone, if you are really over with your ex

Although, you might have begun the process of cutting domestic and financial ties with your partner but do you know that it still does not guarantee that you are over with your ex.

According to Sherry Amatenstein, who is a  clinical therapist, LCSW; “you’re not ready to date someone new until you’ve cut the emotional ties too”.

Getting to the root of this analysis marked a milestone while making your decision.

You’re thinking of it more as a relationship break than a separation or If you secretly long for reconciliation, then you simply aren’t ready to be dating.

Perhaps, to make your ex jealous, so you chose to date someone else, then you’re not ready.

In addition, you’re not ready, if you chose to get a partner just because your ex has moved on.

However, only if you’re in the right place emotionally, dating during a separation produce a healthy love/relationship.

5. Only date someone if you really want to be dating them

It is a tradition for many freshly separated people to seek a new partner or someone to have on hand just with the core aim of distracting themselves from the hurt of a split because being alone is so unfamiliar.

However, it’s not particularly fair to them – or you, if you are dating someone because you want a replacement for your ex, or so that you don’t have to be alone.

Sources had proven that it can set you back on your road to healing from the separation.

Alongside, it can take advantage of their feelings.

With regards to this, meeting someone who makes your heart flutter, might be a relationship you want to pursue.

You must be been honest with yourself.

What are your thoughts and interest? Do you choose to entangle them because you like the idea of them? Or as a person, are you really, truly into them?

6. Be upfront with your decision

No matter how awkward it might feel, you’ll find that honesty is the best policy if you’re dating while separated.

Regardless of the duration, whether as your second marriage, if you want your new relationship to work out it’s advisable to start it from a trusting place.

Rather than separate, If you lie at the start, saying you’re single or divorced when your new partner finally realizes the truth, it might turn into a much bigger deal.

7. Critically observe your feelings – whatever they are

Jackie Pilossoph gives an emphatical analysis of the process of divorce, relating it to ‘’a roller coaster of highs and lows’’.

He further affirms that dating while separated is no exception.

Sometimes the whole world will feel full of possibility when you wake up in the morning.

In this case, there are fabulous places for new love to lead you and there are so many great people to meet.

While other mornings tend to envisage the otherwise.

In a situation like this, you may still feel twinges about the fact that your first marriage didn’t work out how you’d imagined.

However, a brilliant approach on how to get through this is to give yourself the forgiveness and the space to know if your feelings are valid, no matter what and how the case may be.

As long as you have the legal go-ahead, it’s ok to feel free, feel blue sometimes, and be happy.

But you mustn’t rush back into dating, and you appreciate the contest of honesty when you do meet someone.

It helps you develop more stable and positive feelings.


Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)


Is it Appropriate to Date while Separated?

No, it isn’t. You shouldn’t even deliberate dating until you’ve physically and legally separated from your spouse, even if you or your spouse agree that the marriage is over.

A good rule of thumb is to be patient until after you’re divorced to start dating and then only acquaint your children with a partner after you’ve been dating for about six months.

Is it Adultery to Date while Separated?

Couples who are separated, whether legally or informally, are still married in the eyes of the law, irrespective of how independent their lives have become.

This implies that if either spouse has a sexual relationship with another person during the separation period, they have perhaps committed adultery.



It is reasonable for anyone not to remain celibate due to a separation. But this depends on the ideas and measures that had been stated earlier.

However, checking your state’s laws should considerably be the first approach towards dating after separation.

This is to prevent any form of legal consequences as regards your divorce settlement.

There you have it from the best experts’ advice on the verified things you need to know before dating while separated.

If you find this post on “MY WIFE AND I ARE SEPARATED AND SHE IS DATING” helpful, you should check through the blog page for more articles like this.

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